Single Parenting - The Pros and Cons

The number of children living in single parent homes is now at an all time high and single parenting presents you with some unique challenges regardless of whether you're a single mom or a single dad.

As most single parents these days have to work, the first set of problems that you face are practical and will include such things as finding suitable child care, making arrangements when you need to work late or perhaps work at weekends and coping with day to day activities such as shopping.

How you manage these problems will depend to a large extent on your personal circumstances and income, but you will often find that you are able to rely on older children to take care of younger ones and can turn to family and friends for assistance. In most cases these difficulties do not present an insurmountable problem and a reasonable solution can be found.

The greatest challenge often comes from issues beyond the purely practical and stem from the loss of a partner to discuss problems with, to bounce ideas off and to use as a sounding board.

In some cases parents can find it difficult to deal with problems that are particular to children of the opposite sex and miss the input from the same sex parent who can draw on his or her own childhood experiences. In most instances these problems can be solved by turning to other family members or friends for advice.

Many of the problems presented by single parenting are however balanced by what many parents see as considerable advantages. The loss of a partner can also bring with it the loss of arguments, disagreements, and tension and can make it much simpler to set guidelines and rules for the children without having to debate them.

Also, many single parents make far more effort to spend time with their children and find they talk to their children much more. This invariably results in single parents growing closer to their children and developing a much stronger bond with their children.

Studies show children in single parent households often mature at a younger age and develop a greater sense of responsibility. Studies also show that children of single parents suffer no detrimental effects from the experience in terms of either their educational or personal development.

It may appear that the loss of a partner to share in the care of the children should be detrimental, but single parenting provides a unique opportunity to influence the development of the children without suffering the hindrance that the presence of a partner can sometimes bring. In addition, provided you don't allow yourself to become overwhelmed by the practicalities of raising your children alone, the benefits can often far outweigh the disadvantages.

The Role Of Fathers In Child Parenting

Although the role of mothers has changed little over the years, the role of fathers has changed considerably, particularly over the past 150 years.

During the second half of the nineteenth century, often referred to as the Victorian Era, the father was a very distant and rarely seen figure as far as children were concerned and his responsibility was largely confined to being the family's 'law giver'. This changed during the early part of the twentieth century, due in no small part to the influence of Freud, and by the middle of the century fathers were seen much more as being the family's 'wise breadwinner'.

As we moved into the 1960s and 1970s however fathers were once more given a back seat role and many people viewed them as nothing more than 'sperm donors'. Today, it's difficult to define the role of fathers and it's very much a case of 'ask ten people and you'll get eleven opinions'.

So where do we start in trying to define a father's role? Well, the answer is that we have to return to basics and ask a few fundamental questions such as "what effect does their presence (or absence) have on the family?"and "why do children need a father?"

In trying to answer these and other similar questions the first difficulty that you encounter is that there is a wide variety of opinions. However, one thing that most studies agree upon is that children do not normally fair as well in the absence of a father and poor performance at schools, drug use, violent behavior and criminal activity are more frequently seen in children who are raised without a father. But trying to determine just why this should be the case is not easy.

It seems likely that there is no single cause and that a combination of financial, psychological and other factors are involved. Whatever the cause, it would nonetheless seem that children need a father if they are to get the best start in life.

Apart from the traditional role of being the breadwinner and providing the basic necessities of food and shelter, fathers are also undoubtedly seen as providing such things as protection for their daughters and a role model for their sons. However, many suggest that it is the role the father plays as one half of the parental partnership that is perhaps the most important.

Children are strongly influenced by everything that they see and hear and they see and hear a great deal more than we often realize. Observing the roles of mom and dad working together, children learn a great deal from the way in which matters are discussed and decisions made. The manner in which responsibilities are divided between the parents with mom taking care of such things as bedtime routines, diet and household chores and dad being the guardian of such things as the front door (granting permission for the children to spend time with friends or go the mall) and taking care of the issue of pocket money, provides children with a model of parenting and teaches them a variety of skills.

This, combined with a host of other experiences common in a two parent household, helps to shape a child's view of the adult world and of the interaction between the sexes.

We could of course continue to develop this further and look in more detail at just how the interaction of two parents influences the children, but things begin to get a little bit complicated when we start to consider such things as the personalities of the two parents and the strength or otherwise of their own relationship. Looking at the possibilities here would means looking at literally hundreds of different scenarios.

Perhaps the simplest answer to our original question of what a father's role is would be to say that it is many different things to different people and, while we could try to define it, perhaps it's simply enough to say that the presence of a father in a child's life is important and that, in general, children are better off with a father than without one.