"If you can carry an M-16, then you can also carry your own child on your shoulders with the same dignity and responsibility."

Fathers rights groups in Israel pray that Israeli society will one day in the very near future recognize that if you can carry an M-16, then you can also carry your own child on your shoulders with the same dignity and responsibility.

"We have learned much from the nonviolent, highly visible and friendly campaigns of Fathers4Justice* in England, the US and Canada," said Joel Leyden.

"We are here to gather support, not alienate anyone. Having Superheros such as Batman, Spiderman and Superman representing us offers a warm touch to both the children for which we have been separated from and the public which needs to learn that most dads are loving, caring and responsible fathers who love their children no less than the mothers do.

When the courts and child welfare departments in Israel separate father from child they are inflicting a devastating blow to that child's emotional and mental development.", said Michael Krongauz, a spokesperson of the Israel Children's Rights organization Children Need Both Parents.

For more information go here.
* There is no Fathers4Justice in Israel.

Justice is coming!

Incomplete

When I tell people about my work on behalf of family rights, many people just don't "get it". They understand the injustice, but they don't understand the suffering, the devastation, the heartbreak.

I want people to know that this is happening in America, as it is all around the world. We need to solve this serious problem. If we don't respect and honor family, then what do we have? What are we teaching the next generation?

Please listen to this song called Incomplete by The Backstreet Boys. Even though a few words don't fit, (I have never heard any parent say they are trying to forget their child), the overall message is there.

This is how my friends, Superheroes and others, feel when they've been removed from their children's lives.

http://music.channel.aol.com/artist/main.adp?artistid=199819

"Incomplete"
by The Backstreet Boys

Empty spaces fill me up with holes
Distant faces with no place left to go
Without you within me I can’t find no rest
Where I’m going is anybody’s guess

I’ve tried to go on like I never knew you
I’m awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I’m going to be is incomplete

Voices tell me I should carry on
But I am swimming in an ocean all alone
Baby, my baby
It’s written on your face
You still wonder if we made a big mistake

I’ve tried to go on like I never knew you
I’m awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I’m going to be is incomplete

I don’t mean to drag it on, but I can’t seem to let you go
I don’t wanna make you face this world alone
I wanna let you go (alone)

I’ve tried to go on like I never knew you
I’m awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I’m going to be is incomplete

Incomplete

A real life happy ending

A friend sent me this true story-

"A few years ago I received a call from a girl I knew in HS who had fled with her daughter across country when her daughter was about 2. Her now 16 yr old daughter was wanting to contact her father and did I still know how to contact them? I did.... ... Mom thought daughter wanted to ream him...... ..she still held onto some old anger and seemed pretty pleased about it. I had been in contact on and off with dad and heard both sides. Well, bits and pieces of both sides and it wasn't pretty. Knowing I didn't have the full story and was always friends with both, I refused to take sides.

I was happy to leave a note at his parents house. I still knew were they lived. A few months later I received a tearful call from Dad thanking me for taking the time to leave that note. A note which was on the back of my business card and had fallen off the screen door, yet somehow they found it. Through his tears he had told me he had prayed and prayed for this day to come. He had thought about hiring a PI over the years but decided not to, thinking that might interrupt her life. He had been in contact with her via phone.... they were catching up.... she choosing a college and doing fantastic. She was NOT angry with him, just had a lot of questions. They were planning a family reunion and he would be honored if my son and I could make it. The reunion was fantastic. I was able to meet his wife, and see the bio moms family. That single call brought everyone together. The bio mother had cut off her side of the family living on this side of the country as well when she took off. Dad made sure he contacted every one of his ex's family members who had been taken from this little girls life for this reunion.... It was fantastic to see people I hadn't seen in close to 20 years. Even better to see everyone get together and let bygones be bygones. He never had to say a single word about what happened. His ex's family did all the explaining. No one was prompted, her family simply told...

I think her dad came up with one of the classiest lines I've heard. He told his daughter, "We can't make up for the years we were taken away from each other, but the games still young. We're at the 25 yard line and we have another 75 to go."

So while your heart might be breaking, know it's not forever. If by chance you don't win your battle now, there will come a time your child is an adult and is able to make decisions for him or herself. Childhood is a precious part of life, but a small part of life when
we count the years.

Hugs....and keep the faith.

Michelle & Joey"

Announcing a name change-
EgalitarianFeminist4Fathers
(same location, different name)

Has CPS been involved in your custody case? Were your rights violated? One of our fellow activists will be working with the Citizens Commission on Human Rights and she wants your stories. Please write to Kathy at powerbeonme@surewest.net
Justice is coming

Forgiveness

"You may resist learning the lesson of forgiveness because sometimes it feels good to blame people for their mistakes. It makes you feel superior and righteous when you can look down your nose and hold a grudge toward someone who has wronged you. However, harboring resentment consumes a lot of energy. Why waste valuable energy on prolonged anger and guilt, when you could use that energy for far greater things?"

Spiderman Dad

I'd like to share with you a new web site devoted to David Chick, the UK's Spiderman Dad spidermandad.com

Thanks to Glenn Sacks at hisside.com

This doesn't add up.

This doesn't add up. The radical gender feminists tell us that men are poor care-givers, that only women know how to do hands-on parenting. They say that men never do their fair share of child care while in the relationship, so why should they get joint custody after the relationship breaks up. Hmmm...

I guess they didn't read the State of Mom Report Card done by ClubMom, also called the 2005 Voice of Mom Survey. It clearly states that, "46 percent of moms say they divide the responsibility of child-rearing equally with their partner".

It was murder, pure and simple.

It is with a very heavy heart and mascara-tainted tear stains on my cheeks that I have to tell you that AB 1307, California's shared parenting bill, was murdered today. I now understand exactly what the fathers have described when they write about sitting there listening to the opposition lying. It was obvious that their first witness hadn't even read the bill. If she did she was hoping the legislators hadn't. I heard all of the old lies that I read on the radicial feminist websites. I'm more and more embarrassed to be female. And I really don't like feeling this way.

I won't give up. I can't stop. Every day I find more people who want to join us. In the ladies restroom of the Hyatt today I met some college students who were at the capital lobbying for educational funding. After a 30 second conversation they wanted information so they can post flyers at their college. Whoever it was who said that college students care.... he was right. And these were girls. One girl said her generation is the first raised by sole single moms, and they know that it's not the best option.

This liberal father-loving feminist grandmother has just begun to fight!

The Fathers Movement is about love, that's all.

This piece by our friend Doug Mead deserves repeating.

Column sparks ire of many

IMAGINE A little girl growing up without her dad. She misses him. She wonders why he doesn't come by anymore. There is a longing in her heart that won't go away. She cries herself to sleep at night.

Imagine the dad, a good and loving dad, wanting to see his daughter grow up. But he can't, for various reasons. There is a longing in his heart that won't go away. He cries himself to sleep at night.


Imagine the mom, who is angry and bitter at the dad for whatever reason and uses the court system to keep him away. Maybe he was an abusive husband once, or he cheated on her while they were married. Maybe she's just angry at the world and takes it out on her daughter's father.

The mom uses their daughter as a pawn. Not only does dad lose out, but so does the daughter. She needs him. It isn't fair.

Two weeks ago, I wrote a fictitious letter (based on real-life situations) from a little girl writing her dad, asking him to come back into her life. The response from readers was overwhelming, from men and women alike. Some shared similar situations to the composite letter, but mostly I heard from people telling me I was full of ... you know. They insisted that either the ex-spouse and/or the courts are responsible for keeping them from their children.

The men who responded say they want to be a part of their children's lives but face obstacles. Surprisingly, I heard from many women who disagreed with the column, mostly partners and relatives who have seen devastation from divorce up close.

I heard from dads who say they sold their houses to pay for legal costs. One dad said he has spent more than $100,000 in attorney fees trying to see his kids. Several dads said they had to fight false accusations of abuse in court.

One dad shared a letter he'd like to send to his daughter, now a teenager, if only her mother would let her read it.

Here's an excerpt:

Dear Daughter:

I am writing to you today because I saw you waiting for the bus after school. I really did want to stop and say hello, just to hear your voice, but I know you would have to tell your mother about it. Remember, when she yells at you for talking to me, she is only mad at me.

The court said that I would be able to see you every other weekend, but I understand how things just get in the way.

I got the 30 boxes of Girl Scout cookies I ordered from you, thank your mother for delivering them to me, and tell her the rain didn't mess them up all that much.

I have followed your every life event, sweet daughter of mine.

I have written you several letters a week since the divorce but only wish I knew you received them, I hope you do. I will never abandon you, no court on this earth could accomplish that which your mother has achieved by telling you lies about me. I only wish the courts would enforce their own orders.

I never left you, that is one reason I live so close to you. I was unable to handle your mother's new love relationship.

I am just putting the few extra dollars I have left over into a bank account for your use when you turn of age. I am saving so much money by riding a bike and actually love the exercise I get.

I wish I could have been there at those times the last couple of years when you needed me. I wish I could have been there for your school play, the awards you received for your science project. I wish I could have been there when your mother forgot you were at school and you had to walk home in the rain.

My door is open to you no matter how long it takes or how long it seems, you're forever welcome in my life.

Love, Dad

In my 11 years as a single parent, I've met mostly dedicated single parents.

I've also met my share of moms and dads who didn't participate in their children's lives, and I couldn't even be friends with them. I've heard countless stories of outright abandonment, but also heartfelt stories such as the letter above. When one parent puts up visitation obstacles out of spite, it only hurts the kids.

In the end, it is the children who suffer. The social cost is immeasurable. As parents, we choose to make sacrifices for our kids. Any men who are being unfairly kept from their children deserve medals for persevering.

If you're a single parent, I urge you not to use your child as a pawn. That doesn't mean you stop protecting them or forgetting past hurts. It means forgiving and moving on. It means negotiating and communicating with someone with whom you may not want to communicate. Every day.

It's for your kids.

April 3, 2005

Doug Mead has been a single parent for 11 years. He and his teenage son live in the East Bay. You can e-mail him at dmead@angnewspapers.com.